a dependable chocolate cake

first of all, i'm going to issue a little disclaimer about my recipes: most of them are not for the faint of heart.
1) my methods are a bit unruly, as i am not in the habit of writing methology down except maybe in my own cryptic shorthand. it isn't because i'm propriotary about my recipes (although i can be at times) but out of a combination of a healthy dislike for being distracted by a lot of unnecessary gibberish while cooking, and sheer laziness. this means that when i try to write instructions out for other folks to follow, they can be, um, creative.
2) if i measure things, i generally do so by gram weight. i started doing this more out of contempt for washing a zillion measuring cups than anything else. so, get out your kitchen scales!
that being said, the first recipe everyone needs is one for a good, reliable chocolate cake. i got the bones of this recipe from allrecipes.com, one of my favorite places to do recipe research. but, i'm not very interested in following directions and i almost never make a recipe the same way more than once. this has become an exception, as it is a very dependable and versatile little recipe.

rose's chocolate cake

70 grams cocoa powder
120 grams buttermilk (technically, you can substitute water if you just can't find room in your life or fridge for buttermilk, but i don't approve of it, personally)
330 grams boiling water (or, scalded hot milk for german chocolate-type cake)
226 grams unsalted butter (thats two sticks, folks)
450 grams white sugar
85 grams egg yolk
170 grams egg white (thats about 4 jumbo eggs or 5 regular eggs. after weighing the separately, combine the yolks with the whites and whisk lightly to combine.)
4 grams salt (if all you had was salted butter, you'll want to reduce this some. how much? it varies, so just buy unsalted butter and be done with it)
11 grams baking soda
370 grams all-purpose flour (i prefer un-bleached flour. its better for you. it doesnt affect the texture of baked goods noticeably. and, its the twenty-first century: we have plastic! we don't need to bleach all the nutrients out of our food so it'll keep longer! i also do not reccomend cake flour...it just means they sifted the flour for you and added a dash of cornstarch.)
2 grams baking powder (if you don't remember how old your baking powder is, you might consider replacing it. old baking powder looses its 'oomph')
6 grams vanilla extract (the real stuff, imitation vanilla is yucky.)
8 grams creme de cacao (light or dark. this is optional, but its a nice touch.)

before you get carried away mixing, be sure to prepare your pans and preheat the oven. usually, i like to grease a pan lightly with shortening and then put a few spoonfulls of flour in and tap it around until it evenly coats the pan, then dump the rest out. sometimes i feel lazy and spray the pans with pam baking spray. i don't like that baker's choice brand spray because it seems to clog the tip really easily and if i'm going to do something the lazy way, i don't want it to be a pain in the butt. check down at the bottom of the recipe for baking temps. preheat to your chosen temp.

1) whisk the boiling water (or scalding milk) with the cocoa in a non-reactive bowl. set aside to cool a bit
2) in a large mixing bowl, cream the butter on medium speed until fluffy. now add the sugar and continue beating for a minute or so.
3) add the buttermilk to the cocoa mixture.
4) to the butter add the eggs in four parts, mixing to combine in between each addition (or, one at a time if you didn't bother to separate them and weigh them, only to re-combine them, which i don't blame you for)
5) in a medium bowl mix flour, salt, baking soda, and baking powder. whisk to combine. or, if you are really stuck on the whole cake flour thing you can add a teaspoon of cornstarch and sift it all three times. it doesn't make a difference in chocolate cakes, i promise.
6) add the vanilla and creme de cacao to the butter mixture and beat lightly. now add the flour mixture alternately with the cocoa mixture, starting and ending with flour. i like to do three of flour with two of cocoa in between. i'm not sure if you can overmix this cake, but don't go too crazy trying to add stuff in a million little parts.
7) pour the batter into your prepared pan(s) of choice and bake at appropriate temperature until a toothpick or knife comes out clean. see below to choose baking times:
for two 9" round pans, bake at 350 for 20-25 minutes
for one half sheet pan, bake at 350 for 30 minutes
for cupcakes, bake at 325 for 18-22 minutes

some things to consider:
-this cake is really good with almost any liquour substituted for the creme de cacao. i've tried grand marnier (with a pinch of orange zest), and frangelico each to great effect.
-the adventurous can try substituting up to 50 grams of the flour with any nut flour: i've tried almond (delicious) and have always wanted to try hazlenut.
-other things to use instead of water: half and half. almond milk. rice milk. you know, the water is still my favorite, though. in conjunction with buttermilk, of course.
-if you're wondering what to do with the rest of the jug of buttermilk, i can help you.
1. martha stewart's buttermilk pancake recipe is really stellar.
2. grow moss on just about anything by putting it in the blender with buttermilk and water, then spread the resulting paste on rocks, clay pots, dirt, etc and keep it moist in a shady spot until it gets going. sorry, new mexicans, i think this might be a tad unrealistic for you...
3. make buttermilk biscuits.
4. buttermilk pie. look it up on allrecipes.com. its worth trying.

while this cake can be baked in a loaf pan and eaten plain by the slice, most people will feel the ardent desire to frost it. thats good, too. may i suggest ganache? i thought so.

1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips (see, sometimes i measure by volume)
2/3 cup heavy cream

put these things in a small saucepan and stir frequently while heating on low. once it looks all mixed together remove it from the heat. go ahead, try it...you'll wish you doubled the recipe. wait, stirring occasionally, until the ganache is the right temperature for what you're doing with it. if you want to pour it and have pretty drips, you won't have to wait long. if you'd rather spread it, you'll have to wait longer. if you wait too long, you can re-heat it by setting your pan in a pan of boiling water until it loosens back up. the only downfall of ganache is that you can't pipe decorations with it.